How to Explain the F-word to Your Kids, or that Recalcitrant Aunt

Freedom doesn’t vanish all at once, it disappears in small steps while we’re busy. Mayer warned us. Now it’s our turn to notice, speak up, and resist early.

Disclaimer:
I’ve been accused—more than once—of being pedantic and dense. I’m choosing to believe they meant my writing, not my brain. That said, this time I’ve aimed for something different: a version that’s digestible, shareable, and plainspoken enough to be clear without being panic-inducing. Thorough, but not terrifying. Let’s call this one Truth in small bites.

How Bad Things Happen Slowly: What Milton Mayer Can Teach Us About Today

PART I: A STORY THAT FEELS FAMILIAR

Imagine you live in a country where people mostly go about their lives; going to school, working jobs, playing soccer, watching TV, taking care of their pets. They vote sometimes. They go to the doctor. They eat dinner with their families. Just regular stuff.

Now imagine a new group of leaders comes along and says, “We’ll make things better. We’ll protect you. We’ll make your country strong again.” That might sound nice at first, especially if people are feeling scared or confused.

But instead of fixing things in fair ways, these leaders start making secret decisions. They change laws in ways that are tricky and hard to understand. They make new rules that say, “This is only temporary. Don’t worry.” They say, “It’s for your safety.” People trust them, or are too busy to argue.

This story already happened once in Germany, almost 100 years ago. A writer named Milton Mayer studied it, and he wrote a book called They Thought They Were Free. He talked to people who had lived through it, and they told him how little by little, everything changed, until it was too late.

And now, it’s starting to happen again.

PART II: GERMANY IN THE 1930s

After World War I, many Germans were poor, sad, and confused. They had lost the war, their money didn’t work well, and lots of people couldn’t find jobs. So when a group called the Nazis said, “We can fix it,” many people believed them.

The Nazis were led by a man named Adolf Hitler. At first, he didn’t seem like a monster. He talked a lot about helping the country. But his real plan was to control everything, and get rid of people he didn’t like. He blamed problems on certain groups: Jewish people, disabled people, queer people, anyone who didn’t fit his idea of “the right kind of German.”

Here’s what Mayer learned: it didn’t happen all at once. It happened bit by bit, like water slowly filling up a bathtub until it spills over and drowns everything.

People didn’t see it because each little change didn’t feel like a big deal, at least not to them. It was just a new form to fill out. A new badge to wear. A new way of saying the pledge. A new reason to ignore the scary parts and stay busy.

PART III: WHY PEOPLE DIDN’T FIGHT BACK

Let’s say your school rules started changing. First, they say you have to wear blue every Friday. Then, they say you can’t talk during lunch. Then, your best friend gets in trouble for reading a banned book. You don’t like it, but you tell yourself, “It’s not that bad.” You wait for a bigger problem before you speak up.

That’s what happened in Germany. Teachers, bakers, moms, doctors, they all waited. And waited. And waited. By the time the really terrible things happened, like sending Jewish families to camps and killing millions of people, it was too late to stop it.

Milton Mayer talked to smart people who said, “We didn’t notice how bad it was getting until it was over our heads.”

They were busy. There were too many meetings. They were tired. They didn’t want to believe their country could be that cruel.

Sound familiar?

PART IV: TODAY’S WARNING SIGNS

Let’s talk about right now. In the United States and other places, we’re starting to see a lot of the same patterns. Not exactly the same, yet, but close enough to worry.

Leaders are saying:

• “Don’t trust the news.”

• “Only I can fix it.”

• “Some people aren’t real Americans.”

• “We need to take away certain rights for your safety.”

And while they say those things, they change laws behind closed doors. They make voting harder. They ban books. They scare teachers. They hurt trans kids. They let companies spy on us. They put pregnant women in jail for miscarriages. They let people with power do bad things and never get in trouble.

Each thing, by itself, might not seem like a huge deal. But add them together, and it’s a big, scary pile of injustice.

That’s how it starts.

PART V: WHY “NORMAL” ISN’T SAFE

In Conscience and the Commonwealth, Mayer said something super important: “Just doing what’s normal” doesn’t protect anyone.

Let me explain: If everyone around you is pretending things are fine, it’s easy to join in. If nobody complains when your classmate gets hurt, it’s hard to be the one who says “Stop!” If you only hang out with people who agree with you, you start thinking, “Maybe it’s not really that bad.”

But it is bad. And pretending it’s not just gives the bullies more time.

PART VI: WHAT CAN YOU DO?

Mayer wrote another book called What Can a Man Do? And he was really asking: “What can one person do when the world is falling apart?”

Here’s what you can do, even if you’re 10.

1. Pay attention. Don’t ignore weird new rules. Ask questions. Read history.

2. Talk about it. Tell your friends, your teachers, your parents. Use your voice.

3. Join others. Don’t be alone. Even two people standing together can make change.

4. Be kind. If someone is getting picked on, stand up for them.

5. Learn from the past. That’s what Mayer wanted. He wanted us to see the warning signs and say, “Not this time.”

PART VII: THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

There’s a phrase Mayer liked: Principiis obsta, finem respice.

It’s Latin. It means: Resist the beginnings. Consider the end.

Don’t wait for everything to fall apart. Don’t wait until the worst happens. If something feels wrong now, speak up. That’s how you stop the bathtub from overflowing. You pull the plug early.

FINAL THOUGHT

When people say, “It’s not that bad,” or “Don’t make a fuss,” remember: making a fuss might be the most loving thing you can do. Not just for yourself, but for everyone else, too.

Freedom doesn’t go away with a bang. It slips out the back door while you’re doing homework or scrolling your phone. And if you want to catch it, you have to look up, stay awake, and care; even when nobody else does yet.

Reading List:

Milton Mayer Core Works

1. They Thought They Were Free – The definitive account of how ordinary Germans slowly accepted fascism.

2. What Can a Man Do? – A reflective book on moral responsibility under authoritarian rule.

3. Conscience and the Commonwealth – Explores civic duty and the role of personal ethics in resisting tyranny.

Books for Grown-Ups That Still Read Like Warnings

4. The Origins of Totalitarianism by Hannah Arendt – A heavy read, but explains how fascism grows from loneliness, lies, and bureaucracy.

5. On Tyranny by Timothy Snyder – 20 bite-sized lessons for how democracies fall and how we can fight back.

6. How Democracies Die by Steven Levitsky & Daniel Ziblatt – Shows how elected leaders can dismantle democracy from within.

7. Friendly Fascism by Bertram Gross – Explores “soft” authoritarianism through corporations, not coups.

Books to Explain Big Ideas to Young People (and Adults Who Want Clarity)

8. I Dissent: Ruth Bader Ginsburg Makes Her Mark by Debbie Levy – A story of speaking up when it’s unpopular.

9. We Are Power by Todd Hasak-Lowy – Kid-friendly stories of civil disobedience and nonviolent resistance.

10. The Terrible Things: An Allegory of the Holocaust by Eve Bunting – An allegorical tale about what happens when we look away.

11. What Do You Do With a Voice Like That? by Chris Barton – About Congresswoman Barbara Jordan and the power of moral speech.